Updates

I should write a new post. Something about my Connecticut trip, how the airplane was lost on the way there, and then SOAR went awesome and I made new friends, how in New York my dad and I stumbled across most of the important tourist places on accident, how the first flight was cancelled on the way home and we had to wait on standby, how we missed our connections, but ultimately got home okay, how when I wear heels (I FOUND SENSIBLE ONES IN MY CLOSET!!!) I get self-conscious about the clicking noise they make, but apparently, it wasn't the clicking that was making those hipster/indie boys in the coffee shop stare at me, but how good I looked (according to my friends, and hey, I did look pretty hot yesterday). But I'm too lazy, so you just get that short overview. :D

Speaking of him...

I've found that the song "Give me Everything" or whatever it's called (by Pitbull and Ne-yo) reminds me terribly of all my confidence issues and regrets. In the song, it's so bold. It's going up to "someone sexy" and asking them to "give me everything tonight" (well asking them to have sex, but that's not where I'm going). It's so self-confident and bold and courageous. It leaves me wanting to change, and inexplicably sad during the actual duration of the song, yet I continue to listen to it to constantly remind me that I should change. And maybe in August, going to college is the little push I need. Maybe I'll get a haircut, new clothes, a new style. Start over in a new state, all new people. I'll give myself a new makeover, try to be a better person. But I won't turn my back on everything in my past. I'll keep it all and cherish it, but I'll use it more to learn. I'll use my past to jumpstart my future. (yay for getting confident while writing this post!)

Well THAT was weird

I was looking at my facebook chat and I've been checking it all day for him. and I thought "I want him to be on so bad" and then my chat refreshed. and he was on. that was just too freaky to not say.

Adventure to Connecticut!

Okay, so Sunday evening, my dad, sister, Loki (my sister's kitten), and I started our drive down to the airport in Santa Barbara (which is only about one and a half hours away). Loki meowed the entire way down to my sister's apartment, which would be his new home; He doesn't like car rides that much. So then when we got there, we watched Tropic Thunder and Underdog, then we just slept and then woke up at 4:45 AM. We got to the airport, and our plane was supposed to leave at 6:05. But the plane was fogged in at LAX, and the pilots woke up in Santa Barbara, took a cab down to LAX, and flew the plane up to where it was supposed to be. We finally got on the plane at around 11:00 AM (and those four hours were long and terrible because the wifi hated me, and wouldn't let me on until the last 30 minutes or so). We got to Denver without any other problems. Then we ate lunch there, and waited for our connection. We got on the plane, and we were sitting in a row by the tail. It was a very bumpy ride, and there was a screaming child in front of me, and a guy sitting next to me (he was reading a book in Japanese!!!), but I had the window, and I enjoyed looking out it. At one point the little girl in front of me (she was probably around 1), was happy and reached her hand out to me. At this point I was drawing a picture, and I let her hold the colored pencil I was using. She was very confused, but happy. It was really cute.

We landed in New York City, and there were so many lights! And I was watching out the window while we landed. We were going down... down... down... and I saw water under us. I was like "hey, we should probably land on the land" (in my head of course, I didn't really speak the entire flight). And there was water... water... water... RUNWAY. LAND. And we landed. And when we got out, my bag was there (my dad was worried that it would be lost because of all the trouble), and we went outside, and my dad thought that the rental car shuttles would be somewhere off this way, but I followed the signs and found it. (I was proud of myself). We got our rental car, hopped in, and started off to Connecticut. We ended up getting to the hotel about 1 AM (Eastern Time). On the way I saw a Lady Gaga Billboard, but I don't know what it was advertising. I got in the hotel and fell asleep. And then there's now! Almost noon Eastern Time, and I had a bagel and we're going to go and check out New Haven and I'm going to bring my camera (my mom wants pictures). I may upload some. THE OCEAN HAS NO WAVES. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO SURVIVE?? D:

Reaching and Grasping are Different Things

  So School ended on Thursday, but my last day of classes was Tuesday (because I was a senior). So the last time I saw the guy I sadly still like, was Tuesday, because I had the final for that class. But then there was a party at his host family's house on Saturday evening, and of course I went. I had a plan to tell him that I had liked him the entire year. So when we were going to leave we had to say goodbye, so Yukki pushed me towards him (cause everyone pretty much knows...), and I gave him a hug. And I was going to tell him. I was... at the last minute I lost my nerve. I always just lose my nerve, and I can't do anything, I can't say anything. No matter how much I would like to say that I liked him all year. How the first time I saw him walking down the 100 hall after I dropped my stuff off in French I had hoped that he was the new foreign exchange student Anna was excited about (because they both speak German). How I just had to laugh that his first day he was here, we went to the kitchen to cook quiche and crêpes, and word spread so fast and girls would come in with lame excuses, or none at all just to see who he was, and flirt with him. How I liked A days better because I got to see him. How when he left for sports, French didn't seem as fun. How when he sat in front of me and he had that necklace on I had to keep myself from playing with it (that sounds creepy, but I'm sorry if I'm sensory and it was the twisty kind. Those are the most fun to play with. Seriously.). How I was so crushed when he went to prom with someone else. How I come up with these bold plans, only to have them fail. How one day I was going to wink at him when we passed each other in the hall when Shaa and I were heading to science, but he wasn't there. How when I finally waved at him when heading to science (again), Beat called out to him and he turned around and didn't see me at all. How even when I thought I was starting to get over him, when he said "hi" to me in the 200 hall, I felt lighter than air. How in french I always felt bad for going along with the others and making fun of him, even though it was just so fun to tease him. How when he would turn around and play with the stuff on my desk, I could hardly breathe. How it took me forever to actually know what color his eyes are, just because I was too shy to make eye contact. How it took me all I had just to send a message on facebook. How at his party I was going to confess, lost my nerve at the last second, but I still want to tell him. I still want him to know, even if just to know how he feels about me. How I'm actually going to miss him when he's gone. How after I told him that I was going to miss him, even though I actually thought I was over him, when he uttered that simple "I'll miss you too" whether he meant it or not, it still made my heart skip a beat. And how I was going to send a text today, but didn't know what to say. How Shaa yelled at me because I was being stupid. How I knew that I didn't have a backbone, that I should just be a woman and say something or do something; finally follow through on one of my plans. How I really just wish I could go back to that first day and actually say something. How if I could do it all again... I would definitely go through with some of my plans... how I would be bold... how I wouldn't feel this disappointed about myself.

  I would say all of this, but I can't. Maybe I'll man up and call him like Shaa says I should. Maybe I'll ask Koi to set up a nonchalant "hang out" day with some more people just so I can have another chance. Maybe if all else fails I'll send him a link to my blog and hope he reads it. Maybe he'll read the other ones about him, too. It's too bad that I'm on the East Coast for a week, and I'll only have 9 days from the time I get back to the day he leaves. Sorry if this post is a bit depressing... I'm just trying to figure out what I could say, what I should say... Because I need to say something to him about all this.

Studying

So Shaa and I go to Angie's house to study for Marine biology, and we show up 15 minutes early, so we sit in the truck for 15 minutes. And then we walked up to the house (where we had never been before), and knocked on the door. No answer. We ring the doorbell. No answer. We call Angie and ask "Does your house have steps?" And she's like "What? Hold on, I'll walk outside my house." So we run down the steps to the street and run into Angie, who's walking from her backyard to the street. She was in the backyard so she couldn't hear us. She lets us in the yard, and her mom's like "Hey, help set up this patio umbrella". So we set up a freakin' patio umbrella the first 15 minutes we're there. Normally I feel awkward when I go to other people's houses, but that killed any awkwardness that there would have been.

So we set that up and then go inside. Shaa and I started freaking out about the hugeness of the house. It was awesome! But then we got to studying, and we did the study-sheets, and had cookies and soda and laughed and called each other fat (just Shaa and I, pretty much), and just had an awesome time. The final is on Tuesday, but I'm pretty sure I'll remember at least a few of those just from making fun of the questions or having an extremely hard time finding them.


I graduate on Thursday. That's one late-start Monday, one short-day for finals on Tuesday, a senior outing on Wednesday (to a waterpark), and then Graduation. (and then Grad-"nite" at Magic Mountain)

GONNA HAVE SO MUCH FUN THIS WEEK :D

Weekend...

 So it's the last weekend ever of my high school career. I graduate on the 16th. Today is the 10th. Six days... That's less than a week... This time next week I won't be in high school any longer... It's just a weird concept. And then in less than two months, I'll be 18. I'll be an adult. GAH I'M OLD. D:

So you think you can dance.

They're doing this one song and the choreography was all sexy sexy and I'm like "I wish I could dance like that... Probably never will...."

Tidepools

Last Thursday, for Marine Biology, Shaa and I went to the local tide pools. It was fun and all, but getting there was even more fun. Technically, she wasn't supposed to drive me there (but the teachers let it slide), but we didn't know exactly where we were going. At one point, she turned a corner and she drifted on accident. It was really fun but kinda scary because it's not a very good road to be drifting on. Then we passed the place we were supposed to go, and then we turned around at a beach. Then we passed the vans on the way back, so we went to a pull-out. But it was really small, and so when Shaa turned around (in her giant truck) the truck turned, then kinda skidded out, and wobbled along the road for a bit. I was sitting there thinking "Oh God I'm gonna die" and then we were both on adrenaline-highs for a bit :D

but then we looked at tide pool creatures, then went to a local doughnut shop, and then went back to school. The rest of the day was rather ordinary.

Otters

So yesterday, Shaa skyped me to ask if I was busy. I said "no. why?" and she told me that she had to go talk to Mrs. Chapman (a scary science teacher) about painting the otters on a trailer for community service and she didn't want to go alone because she's "scary." I had to roll my eyes at her, but I ended up going. I brought a book so I could do some homework while she talked. So she comes to pick me up and we head into town. We sit at this campground for about half an hour, with no sight of Chapman's little yellow car. A golf cart pulls up next to us and he said that we were probably at the wrong park, and if it was for the history museum (which is was), we would have to go to the bay campground, we were at the strand campground. So we drive over to the other campground, and sure enough, there's the little yellow car. So Shaa gets out and talks and helps, and then I'm called out cause they need help taping together big pieces of paper. I put down the novel I was reading and get out of the truck (a very dirty truck, thanks to some rain the other day), and go to help. We end up running out of tape, and then having to roll the paper up. Chapman uses a small log to help roll the paper, which ended up getting stuck inside the paper tube. Shaa's muttered suggestion "Twirl it around above your head" was enough to get us laughing after I gave her an odd look and a small punch in the arm. Eventually the log came out, Shaa got the paper to draw her large otters and landmark on, and then we went to Koi and Sierra's house. Sierra had invited us over earlier, but she wasn't there and she told us to call her brother...which we did, but we waiting until we were outside his house. We went in, and started playing dominoes (I taught them Mexican Train), and then Sierra came home and we taught her too. But her phone kept playing "Paper Planes" because she was being texted almost constantly. After we played a few games of Mexican Train, we played Uno and ate pizza. But then Shaa and I had to go home because I still had homework (which I woke up early to finish this morning) and it was a "school night" (technically).

But Shaa told me that I had to tell this story, because she was too embarrassed at her mistake to do so. :D

Photos

So I have to do a portfolio for Digital Photo 1, and I had to get actual photos in print. They're here in my hands. I look at them and it's so weird, thinking that I actually took these... I can pull them out and show people... I could say I took these. It's just odd but I like it. Very much so.